Motherhood and Writerhood

True motherhood is the most beautiful of all arts, the greatest of all professions. She who can paint a masterpiece, or who can write a book that will influence millions, deserve the plaudits and admiration of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters whose immortal souls will exert influence throughout the ages long after paintings shall have faded, and books and statues shall have decayed or been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God."
— David O. McKay

Can Great Mothers Be Great Writers, too?

Flannery O'Connor never married.  Neither did Emily Dickinson, Jane Austen, or Willa Cather.  J.K. Rowling was a parent, but single, when she wrote "Harry Potter".  Katherine Anne Porter married, divorced, remarried another, but never had children.  Zora Neale Hurston was only married for a few months, and never had children.

I am sure there's someone out there who has made a great research project out of my question.  But I haven't stumbled into the book that answers this question, (and I don't like Virginia Woolf) so I'll still ask it:

Is it impossible to be a great mother and a great writer?  Does great passion for one of the two sap and subsume the other, rendering it weak and dysfunctional?

I say this because my personal favorite great writers are either 1) men, or  2) single women.  The successful, married-mother writers I know of aren't any good (in my admittedly snobbish opinion.  For example,  Stephanie Meyer, the "Twilight" lady, has great story ideas but cliched, unlively writing.)

With three children of my own plus two step-children, I almost never write.  I also have the rare possession of a kind, faithful, handsome, doting and adored husband.  And with the nursing 9-month-old, the non-stop talking, track-meet-and-scouting 3rd grader; the swim-team-and-cross-country ninth grader, and two stepkids that spend summers here, there isn't much time to read or write.  But I do carve out a little.

I would not, not for millions and billions of dollars or for masterpieces with my byline, ever trade my wonderful life as a mother, and all these smiles and noises and laughs and hugs and joys, not for any glorious writing life.  But I would truly love to be able to do both!

Sometimes I wistfully think about my acceptance, two years ago, to the University of Utah's Ph.D program, where I would have continued my Master's Degree's work on ethnographic literary journalism. (When I found out I was pregnant, I declined that Ph.D opportunity.)  I would have liked to have done both, but it would never have worked, not in my heart nor in my schedule.  I sometimes take out my thesis and read some of it. 
So.  Here's my question for the day:  Is there hope?  If we writer-mothers keep reading and studying and writing in small tidbits, as well as we can, on our own, still putting our family first, yet rarely actually writing at all, will we still one day have the richness, knowledge and articulation to write great books? 

I hope so.  I hope mothers can begin with great motherhood and then, when we smaller mountains of laundry to fold and fewer meals to cook and carpools to taxi, then we'll also find great writerhood.

If not, it will surely happen in heaven.

Great Writers', Great Thinkers, and Great Patriots' Quotes

Inspiration from writers, artists, patriots, and thinkers:

• Engrave this in your brain: EVERY WRITER GETS REJECTED. You will be no different. (John Scalzi)
• In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act. (George Orwell)
• I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. (Voltaire)
• Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. (John Wayne)
• Everyone is entitled to his own opinion but not his own facts. (Daniel Moynihan)
• Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. (E.L. Doctorow)
• You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you. (Ray Bradbury)
• Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas every day. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don't see any. (Orson Scott Card)
• If my books had been any worse I should not have been invited to Hollywood and if they had been any better I should not have come. (Raymond Chandler)
• Talent is God-given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be thankful. Conceit is self-given; be careful. (John Wooden)
• Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. (Robert Charles Benchley)
• Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. (Anonymous)
• We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
 (Aristotle)
• There is a crack in everything.  That's how the light gets in. (Leonard Cohen)
• Whenever you write, whatever you write, never make the mistake of assuming the audience is any less intelligent than you are. (Rod Serling)
• It’s none of their business that you have to learn to write. Let them think you were born that way. (Ernest Hemingway)

• When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap. (
Cynthia Heimel
)
• I pray thee, O God, that I may be beautiful within. (Socrates)

·         I was not the lion, but it fell to me to give the lion's roar. (Winston Churchill)

·         What people are ashamed of usually makes a good story. (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

·         Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire. (St. Catherine of Siena)

·         The most certain sign of wisdom is cheerfulness. (Michel De Montaigne)

·         Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. (Mother Teresa)

·         Remember that guy that gave up? Neither does anyone else. (Anonymous)

·         Never let your head hang down. Never give up and sit down and grieve. Find another way. (Satchel Paige)

·         It's an accepted fact that all writers are crazy, even the normal ones are weird. (William Goldman)

·         Artists don't talk about art. Artists talk about work. (Paddy Chayefsky)

·         The great thing about revision is that it's your opportunity to fake being brilliant. (Will Shetterly)

·         Talent is helpful in writing, but guts are absolutely essential. (Jessamyn West)

·         Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory. (General George S. Patton)

·         The faster I write the better my output. If I'm going slow I'm in trouble. It means I'm pushing 
the words instead of being pulled by them. (Raymond Chandler)

·         No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave. (Calvin Coolidige)

·         Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. (Carl Bard)

·         When you laugh you are not afraid. When you are not afraid you are free. (Gregorius Nekschot)

·         I think that people, in circumstances of stress, can behave like swine, and that this, indeed, is not only a fit subject, but the only subject, of drama. (David Mamet)

·         Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not the absence of fear. (Mark Twain)

·         Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. (Aldous Huxley)

·         To find yourself, think for yourself. (Socrates)

·         You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves. (Michael Wilding)

·         Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere. (Albert Einstein)

·         Do just once what others say you can't, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again. (James R. Cook)

·         Your vision will become clear when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. (Carl Jung)

·         We can do anything we want to do if we stick to it long enough. (Helen Keller)

·         You are never a loser until you quit trying. (Mike Ditka)

·         A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life. (William A. Ward)

·         If you have built your castles in the air, your work need not be lost. That is where they should be. Now put foundations under them. (Henry David Thoreau)

·         Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. (Theodore Roosevelt)

·         Drama, instead of telling us the whole of a man's life, must place him in such a situation, tie such a knot, that when it is untied, the whole man is visible. (Leo Tolstoy)

·         Artists are just children who refuse to put down the crayons. (Al Hirschfeld)

·         First they ignore you. Then they ridicule you. Then they attack you. Then you win. (Mahatma Gandhi)

·         I have never understood why it is greed to want to keep the money you have earned but not greed to want to take somebody else's money. (Thomas Sowell)

·         It’s God’s job to judge the terrorists. It’s our job to arrange the meeting. (United States Marine Corps)

·         One should either write ruthlessly what one believes to be the truth, or else shut up. (Arthur Koestler)

·         Refuse to fail. Keep smiling, keep punching. Don't quit your dream job. (Stephen Cannell)

·         Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. (Leo Buscaglia)

·         Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. (Martin Luther King)

·         A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. (Thomas Jefferson)

·         When small men begin to cast long shadows, it's a sure sign the sun is setting. (Rush Limbaugh)

·         A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves. (Edward R. Murrow)

• For business reasons, I must preserve the outward sign of sanity. (Mark Twain)
• You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go around repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the great struggle for independence. (Charles Austin Beard)
• When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. (Confucius)
• Laws control the lesser man. Right conduct controls the greater one. (Mark Twain)
• Should one point out that from ancient times a decline in courage has been considered the beginning of the end? (Alexander Solzhenitsyn)
• We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence upon those who would do us harm. (George Orwell)
• Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive. (William F. Buckley)
• A love for tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril. (
Winston Churchill)
• I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed. (Jonathan Swift)
• When I examine myself and my methods of thought I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing knowledge. (Albert Einstein)
• Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. (Will Rogers)
• Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views. (William F. Buckley)
• Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. (Albert Einstein)
• There's not much to say about acting but this. Never settle back on your heels. Never relax. If you relax, the audience relaxes. And always mean everything you say. (James Cagney)
• Fans are people who let an actor know he's not alone in the way he feels about himself. (Jack Carson)
• Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. The Marines don’t have that problem. 
(Ronald Reagan)
• Hold every decent person, every decent idea, close, because one day you may realize you lost a diamond while  collecting stones - Anonymous

Short Story Anthologies

Sandra Cisneros - The House on Mango Street

Langston Hughes - Thank You, Ma'am

The Jilting of Granny Weatherall

Flannery O'Connor - Revelation

Alice Walker - Everyday Use

Gabriel Garcia Marquez - The Handsomest Drowned Man In The World

I love short story anthologies.  I was lucky enough to find another good one for twenty-five cents last month at a yard sale that happened to be right across from the Bountiful Baskets co-op, where I was picking up vegetables.

I take notes and I grade the stories.  Even if they're fantastically well-written, if they depress me, I give them a negative.  And even if they're happy and meaningful stories, if they are not well-written, I give them a negative.  I am not easy to please.  But when I am impressed, I am so very impressed.

http://happy-ending-shortstories.blogspot.com/2011_03_01_archive.html

I decided to start a list of short stories that pass my difficult test and hypercritical attitude.

In no particular order:

Great stories that passed my persnickety test:

• Walker, Alice. Everyday Use
• Porter, Katherine Anne. The Jilting of Granny Weatherall
• Hughes, Langston. Thank You, Ma'am.
• O'Connor, Flannery. Revelation
• Marquez, Gabriel Garcia. The Handsomest Drowned Man In the World
• Cisneros, Sandra. The House on Mango Street

Stories that I really liked, that almost (but didn't) pass my persnickety test:

• Hurston, Zora Neale.  Sweat
• Vonnegut Jr., Kurt. Harrison Bergeron
• O'Connor, Flannery. A Stroke of Good Fortune
• O'Connor, Flannery. A Late Encounter With the Enemy
• O'Connor, Flannery. The Lame Shall Enter First
• Oates, Joyce Carol. Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?
• Cather, Willa. Paul's Case
• Updike, John. A&P
• Poe, Edgar Allen. The Cask of Amontillado

I will refrain from posting the category "Stories that I hated" because it's way too long.  It includes, however, O'Connor's "A Good Man Is Hard to Find," (YUCK) "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge," (DOUBLE YUCK) most of (YUCK) Poe, and, sadly, most stories in most anthologies.

I read somebody's blog today, that made me smile in recognition of myself:  http://gentlyhewstone.com/2011/06/02/the-best-american-short-stories-of-the-century/  The blogger had read a short story anthology and graded it, and posted his grades.  So I will look up those stories and see if any of those he gave a check plus, make it onto my small list as well.

Storytelling Workshop on BYU tv

  

I saw a storytelling workshop on BYU tv today that came from Okracoke Island, N.C.  It was good. Donald Davis I think was the man who led it.

I was impressed with the intimacy and love in that group of storytelling-learners, the tone set by the teacher of absolute non-arrogance, of clarity, equality, caring, sharing, and valuing.  Everyone had important, beautiful stories.

His definition of a story:  have a picture in your mind and put it into others' minds; it's not about the words, at first, but all about your mental pictures.

He had 4 P's:  They weren't new, but they were good reminders.

1  A story has to have a strong PLACE sense, or else it won't rivet the reader. 

2  A story has to have PEOPLE in that place, deeply drawn.

(He spoke about depth:  when you are in the bathtub, you have the same amount of water touching your skin as when you are in the ocean.  The difference is depth and width.  Some stories feel like you are in the ocean.  There is so much richness resounding beyond your skin.  Other stories are very small, like the tub.)

3  A story has to have PROBLEMS/trouble.  This trouble doesn't need to be terrible.  It can be just that the day didn't turn out at all the way you thought it would.  The trouble is usually brought on by ourselves.

4  A story has to have PROGRESS.  The door has to open and swing shut, for it to be a story and not just a picture of a door.  There has to be a new normal, after the trouble.

(He said that this is not a formula, but a way of noticing what's missing when you are writing/telling stories.)

• I realized that my current saga is -so far- full of pictures and people, but not full of trouble, progress, or stories

• I realized that I need a stronger voice and tense.  Whose?  A little girl's?  An aunt's?  A boy's?  A narrator's-- if so, what kind of person is the narrator?  Just myself?  If so, at what age?  Remembering, or in the now?

The way to pronounce "often" is not "Of-TEN," but it is actually "of-fen".

Just think of "listen".

Do you pronouce it: "Lis-Ten?"
Then don't say "Of-Ten."

Many people pronounce the word often, "of-TEN" but they are wrong. 

The "t" is silent.

Just like "hasten," "soften," "moisten," or "glisten," you don't say the "t." 

Parts of Speech: What is a preposition?

A preposition shows the interacting relationship between ideas.

Think of a bunch of clouds.  What interacting relationship can they have with a bird?

The bird flew through the clouds.
The bird flew under the clouds.
The bird flew around the clouds.
The bird flew between the clouds.
The bird flew over the clouds.
The bird flew beyond the clouds.
The bird flew among the clouds.
The bird flew into the clouds.

The highlighted words are prepositions.  The highlighted word plus "the clouds" is the prepositional phrase.

Here's a list of other prepositions: http://www.englishclub.com/grammar/prepositions-list.htm

What to do if you can't tell a comma splice from a parsnip

What is a sentence and how would I know if I saw one?